Sleep

Life becomes increasingly more difficult as it passes due to the responsibilities that befall every person as they age. Although, I don’t mind the increasing amount of responsibilities, I am rather more upset of the lack of time given to achieve said responsibilities; therefore, leading me to lack sleep.

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Having enough rest is a great feeling to have; you aren’t groggy, difficult to stay awake, and the constant feeling of heaviness. Sleep deprivation makes my days a lot longer as well as a lot more difficult to motivate myself to achieve. Moreover, it assists in making me increasingly more susceptible to irritation and frustration. Thus., making my motivation to just finish the day, extremely low. I constantly long for more time to complete work as well as to study and plan for the future. Although, my sleep deprivation is mainly due to my procrastinating habits. However, I’m trying to break said habits, but it has proven to be a lot more difficult that I originally anticipated.

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Sleep is a short escape from realty, as well as a short break from all the stress and all the troubles of the world. Furthermore, it replenishes my energy and gives me an extremely comfortable place to stay. Sleep has become something that I treasure and I regret how I took it for granted as a child. Although, I wish schools can bring back nap time because us teens need it a lot more than children. The work load isn’t too much, but rather the amount of time given to complete it makes things a lot more difficult. Thus, I wish we were given more time to complete projects and assignments; hence, other class projects and assignments tend to overlap, and cause the students to stress to complete all of them.

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Although, as much as I hate to admit it, my lack of sleep is a lesson to learn to manage my time wisely. Additionally, as much as I complain about school and how much work I have, it befalls upon my actions that I have taken to use my time. Therefore, I am to blame.

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Different

I have never been sure if my family is fully accepting towards concepts considered different or unorthodox. Being as I was exposed to quite a large number of controversial topics, I was forced to see the unfair treatment of the world.  However, being as I was exposed to these topics, I developed a sense of observation; seeing the intentions of others or hidden thoughts based on one’s behavior and personality. Thus, I have become more apparent of what others may think and feel. Although, I feel quite guilty having this habit; like looking into the mind of another individual without consent, but it is something that I unconsciously do to choose my actions and words as rationally as possible. Although, back to may family, I’m not exactly sure if they are open-minded towards other concepts, specifically the LGBTQ community.

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Throughout life, I subconsciously analyze other people’s character by observation and interaction. Thus, I constantly analyze my family, and I have always suspected that my parents are not exactly open towards different ideas. Seeing as they are not even that open towards modern preference in arts; music, fashion, games, movies, etc, I wouldn’t be surprised if they aren’t accepting towards the LGBTQ community. My parents are quite judgemental, making sure that I clearly perceive their distaste, questioning my choices in music, entertainment, and even my friends. By understanding their strict judgement, I constantly question whether or not, they’d be disappointed in me if I were to be different in anyway, break their expectations, or become someone that isn’t to their liking. I had come to an understanding or an assumption that my parents are not accepting towards ideas differentiating from their own norms.

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I had come to this mindset due to the incidents from my parents. Hence, as I was relaxing on the weekend, my mom came up to me and questioned what i was watching; why I even bothered to watch. She then continued on to say that it was better to watch educational videos. Although, I do understand where she’s coming from, but my mom seems to take it too far; I understand that what I watch may be different from her preferences, but that doesn’t necessarily give her the obligation to mold my tastes to her; I am my own person, with my own tastes, not just a simple copy of my mom. Moreover, I was watching an animation of a girl coming out as lesbian; however, my dad questioned what I was watching, (like I said before I observed people very often) constantly trying to subtly encourage me to change what I watching. Many other events have made me come to this conclusion, but these are the most prominent.

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These events have led me to believe that my parents are close minded, seeing as they judge many things that I choose to enjoy or believe. I love them dearly, but that makes things more difficult because of the fear of betraying their support and affection. I see things that I feel are hard to fit into and I believe that my parents are quite closed minded due to these constricting expectations. Thus, I came to an understanding that I probably cannot live up to my parents’ expectations, and that their perspective on life are a lot more narrow than mine, or I believe this at least.

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Although, I have finally realized, or rather, finalized my conclusion; my parents are not very open to different concepts. Hence, they discourage the exposure to ideas that they consider “taint” or “malevolent,” believing that my mind with not grow well in the future. Therefore, leading me to the conclusion to my parents being quite strict, trying to deny the concepts they consider to be unorthodox and dishonorable. Moreover, I have accepted that I cannot live as myself without disappointing my parents; thus, I will try to accommodate for our differences and equally fit into mine as well as my parents’ expectations, be disappoint both myself and my parents equally.

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SiNgInG!!1!11!!, Moosic, and Etc

Singing and music in general has been a large aspect within my life; hence, it played a large role of being a stress reliever throughout time. As I grew older, stress drastically increased with the increase of responsibilities and priorities. Thus, music grew to be an even larger stress reliever. Singing and music has been able to put me at ease be it, if I were to be frustrated, or sad. Although, music has also helped me through some other tougher times. For an example, I had a bit of trouble with my worth as a person; constantly thinking that I was just merely a waste of space. Although, I would listen to music in order to calm down and think. Music and singing is like my paradise; when I listen to it, the world becomes just a bit more bright and zen. Hence, it helps me push away the stress and negativity of the world. Music and singing has helped me cope with negative thoughts within my mind; assisting in building a separate realm within reality, within nothing within it, but zen.

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Moreover, videos and anime help alleviate stress just as well. Hence, they allow me to indulge in something that takes my mind off of the stress and burden on my shoulders for just a brief moment. Although, it may be brief alleviation, it boosts my motivation to work rather than constantly working for a long period of time without any breaks. Furthermore, being able to take my mind off of anxiety and tension can allow me to think more clearly and quite possibly assist in planning out my time wisely; for I work considerably better without stress and tension. Videos and anime help with stress by letting me indulge in a world or dimension other than my own; seeing a video game lets play, or an anime with an amazing world concept. It like music creates my own world without the stress just for a brief moment. For all these things that I have, always help with my mental health, letting me live a nice and quite peaceful life. :))

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The Struggle is Real

Being a teenager girl within her growing stages has been a struggle for me. As I have been growing older, my body cannot metabolize as well as before, turning my snacks into more fat on my body. Moreover, my body produces a lot more sweat now than as a younger child. Thus, giving me acne. Being a teenager is hard.

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As a teenager, my body body cannot consume as much food as before, without gaining a single pound. However, currently is vastly different; having to being cautious of what I consume (not really but you get my point) in order to maintain a healthy body. Unfortunately, this mindset in combination with school work has led me to an unhealthy habit; skipping meals. Yes, I know, it doesn’t seem like a dramatic habit, but if you put all the meals that I’ve missed, and soon you’ll see a problem. It has become more often that I skip meals in order to finish school work (I may or may not be doing that at the moment; I’m sorry). However, I always say that I’ll go eat, but by the time I finish, it became too late to eat. I’m not saying that I struggled with a lot of self esteem issues, nor am I saying that I didn’t struggle with confidence, but all I’m saying is that now as a teenager, my actions weigh a lot more as well as has more consequences.

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In addition to physical struggles, mental struggles have been more prominent as well. Being within an Asian household, it has been an expectation to receive straight A’s as well as be a good role model to everyone within the family. Mentally, that was- no is the worst of being a teenager. Responsibilities are dropped onto you, with sometimes barely to no time to breathe. At some point, it had even gotten to the point at which I cried myself to sleep as well as cried alone in my room. Moreover, it has in a way traumatized me to not talk to my parents that much; always fearing disappointment, the thoughts of being a failure within my parents’ eyes. I don’t exactly enjoy talking to my parents as much due to the fact that they compare me to any other person right in front of me. It’s basically having the words, “you’re not good enough,” shoved into your face, and having a cousin that recently got into Harvard hasn’t been good either. Although, it isn’t that, but I’d rather not have to endure the mental anxiety and trauma have being verbally or mentally having my confidence shot down.

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Although, being a teenager isn’t all that bad. I’m able to experience so much more than I would have been able to as a child. Moreover, I trusted to do more than being babied or pitied because I was too young. I know having more responsibilities isn’t fun, but being a teen has helped me become more social as well as open about my feelings. Being a teenager isn’t as bad as I anticipated.

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Sports!!..

As a kid I grew to be a more tomboyish girl. Hence, I was depicted to be on the more athletic side of the female spectrum in my group. However, I do not mean athletic as in strength, stamina, or speed, but rather the concepts of doing sports. Thus, I enjoyed playing sports that involved fair competition. Some of the sports in which I enjoyed are dodge ball, volleyball, football, basketball, and soccer. Moreover, I did a bit of dancing as well as gymnastics; although no sports were played “professionally,” but rather for fun. The only sports that I joined a team in were dodge ball as well as basketball.

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fun fact!! i believe this picture was taken from the Boys and Girls Club i went to back when i was still in the Garden Grove School District!!

Although, I did enjoy playing sports, in a way, I was excluded from many groups; hence, I did enjoy playing sports like many boys, however, I wasn’t as serious as they were. Moreover, I wasn’t necessarily in the girls’ group, for I enjoyed playing sports A LOT more than they did; always doing anything from participating in any sports. Whereas, I tried to play in as many as possible. Therefore, being a girl that played many active activities in a way excluded me from having many friends; thus, I made mainly male friends rather than females. Don’t get me wrong though, I indeed had great friends, but if not for them being there, I would’ve probably have been alone.

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Although, I favorite sport has to be dodge ball. However, it isn’t a widely known sport, but its’ extremely fun. I believe was on the dodge ball team three years. Unfortunately, my female friends left the team due to being “too old and strong,” but I remained since I loved dodge ball, and I was given a few nicknames during that period of time. The most prominent nickname I was given was the name, The Sniper. Hence, I mainly made shots from far distances rather than up close. Moreover, I did many mind tricks; facing a specific way, but throwing the ball in a different direction then where I was facing, scaring many opponents. Additionally, I was told that my throws were extremely fast and hard as well as quite accurate. However, I will say that my sister threw a lot harder than I did (she was SSUUPPPERRR scary). Although, I will also admit that my name was probably given to me due to me staying the back for most of the time and making plays from there; however, that might’ve been probably due to my fear of being in the front. Furthermore, I was also given the nickname, Ballerina, since I was said to be extremely hard to hit because of my erratic movement when a ball is thrown at me. BUT I WILL SPEAK OUT ABOUT THE TIME I WAS NICKNAMED, “THAT ONE GIRL.” I understand that true, I am, indeed, that one girl, but… COME ON! The opponent could’ve just referred to me as the girl in *insert shirt color/style* but NOOOOOOO, they chose to call me, “that one girl.” I’ll never forget that. I STILL LOVED (and still now) DODGE BALL!!!

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ANIMEEEE!!!

The world of anime has been quite a large part of my life, showing me how deep stories are capable of being, as well as amazingly interesting plots and stories many people were able to create. Anime is animation from Japan. The world of anime is capable of many feats; inspiring other, entertaining others, helping others through tough times, as well as many other things. Anime has definitely taught me many things.

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Anime was able to teach many things about people as well as society. In some anime, the creator can create the plot in such a way that you can think about the plot as well as secrets yet to be discovered, similar to books. Hence, many good anime display the plot in a way that forces watchers as well as readers to think about many small details in order to come to a conclusion, that may or may not be correct. Hence, in an anime called, Hero Academia, (which I highly suggest you watch) has a specific piece of the plot that stirs the fans to create theories. The plot has a traitor which delivers details about the high school in which the main character attends, forcing many people to be exposed to danger. However, in the show, it was deducted that the traitor must be a teacher, or a student within the same class as the main character; hence, the traitor knows many secrets of the school as well as its events. Although, many fans have created many different theories. However, all theories are extremely detailed as well as reasonable; thus making it extremely difficult to debunk whether one is “true” or false.” Many anime has a style of story telling that makes the the story extremely interesting; be it expressing the emotions that a character endures, or the mindset of a character that determines their actions.

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Anime has also been a great help in keeping my stress levels stable. Life at times were tough, and stressful. Although, anime was there to always lift my spirits even if it was a small portion of an episode. Just watching anime has been able to relieve stress aside from listening to music. Furthermore, as I mentioned earlier, anime has the power to inspire others, including me!

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All in all, anime has been a great impact on my life, and I suggest others try to watch one anime if they haven’t already. Although, I believe that the stereotype that if someone watches anime, then they’re considered weird, is extremely ridiculous. Aside from that, I highly suggest that others watch one or maybe some anime as I said earlier, other than that, this is just a simple appreciation of anime and how I hold it close to my heart. Well then, bye-bye!!

Acceptance

     Within this world and generation, it’s said and implied that being different or unique is considered bad, or just plain weird. Being something or someone that society perceives as unorthodox creates discrimination, and yet those haters don’t realize that those that they victimize are the same as them; human. Discrimination has become a sensitive topic and those that do said discrimination discard the simple fact that those who are “different,” are the same as them, a human being who only wishes to live a peaceful live. Although, I’m not saying that having an opinion is bad, what I’m implying is that if you don’t particularly enjoy a specific idea or concept, don’t bother them, if they’re not bothering you. Just let people live their lives as long as they’re not harming you in any way. The one that seems to be the primary group of discrimination is the LGBTQ community.

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     The reason in which discrimination appears to occur is due to the fact that every human in some form or another fears change. Although, some may fear it less than others, regardless, every person is afraid of differences. The common mind set to life that people use is if someone seems “dangerous” or different, you would attempt to remain as far away as possible. However, some take it into their own hands, and decide to rid of such differences. Therefore, they view differentiating concepts within the LGBTQ community as sins, trash, or just purely disgusting. Thus, they attempt to rid the world of such “taint” with discrimination.

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However, I strongly believe that those who hate on other people, not only in the LGBTQ community, but rather every single group that people decide to victimize, should accept the fact that not everyone upholds the same policy as they do. Every single human being has somewhat differing ethics and ideals. And every human has difference preferences. For an example, some wish to live by the words of their savior. Whereas, some wish to live their lives as they please. Every person is different. Therefore, I believe every person deserves the right to live as they please as long as they don’t harm anyone. I believe, that every person doesn’t deserve hate and discrimination just because of a trivial idea such as race, sexual orientation, or other issues.

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Although, I do understand that people just don’t enjoy when others are dissimilar or in any form different. I do realize that every person has their own opinions. However, I’m fine if someone were to be against other differing concepts, but if they were to use that hatred as an excuse to do wrong against them, then that becomes something that is unacceptable. I’m saying that it’s fine to not support such ideas, but never use that against those that are within the group that one may not like.

How to love well

 

Being different does not define who a person is, to an extent. For an example if someone were to be a part of the LGBTQ community, it does not automatically label the person as a monster or a sinner. The person is going to be the same whether or not they are a part of the community. More importantly, why do people judge people who are LGBTQ is if they, themselves are already perfect? Why do they judge as if there’s no other important matters at hand, like wars, murders, and many other controversial topics. They judge as though something as trivial as a stranger being in the LGBTQ community is so important to their everyday life and well-being. Haters judge as though being someone that the person can’t help being is terrible. More than anything, haters just make themselves look more monster like, taking time out of their own life to talk a random person down for being different. Pretty ironic, huh. Accept yourself. :))

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