Different

I have never been sure if my family is fully accepting towards concepts considered different or unorthodox. Being as I was exposed to quite a large number of controversial topics, I was forced to see the unfair treatment of the world.  However, being as I was exposed to these topics, I developed a sense of observation; seeing the intentions of others or hidden thoughts based on one’s behavior and personality. Thus, I have become more apparent of what others may think and feel. Although, I feel quite guilty having this habit; like looking into the mind of another individual without consent, but it is something that I unconsciously do to choose my actions and words as rationally as possible. Although, back to may family, I’m not exactly sure if they are open-minded towards other concepts, specifically the LGBTQ community.

Throughout life, I subconsciously analyze other people’s character by observation and interaction. Thus, I constantly analyze my family, and I have always suspected that my parents are not exactly open towards different ideas. Seeing as they are not even that open towards modern preference in arts; music, fashion, games, movies, etc, I wouldn’t be surprised if they aren’t accepting towards the LGBTQ community. My parents are quite judgemental, making sure that I clearly perceive their distaste, questioning my choices in music, entertainment, and even my friends. By understanding their strict judgement, I constantly question whether or not, they’d be disappointed in me if I were to be different in anyway, break their expectations, or become someone that isn’t to their liking. I had come to an understanding or an assumption that my parents are not accepting towards ideas differentiating from their own norms.

I had come to this mindset due to the incidents from my parents. Hence, as I was relaxing on the weekend, my mom came up to me and questioned what i was watching; why I even bothered to watch. She then continued on to say that it was better to watch educational videos. Although, I do understand where she’s coming from, but my mom seems to take it too far; I understand that what I watch may be different from her preferences, but that doesn’t necessarily give her the obligation to mold my tastes to her; I am my own person, with my own tastes, not just a simple copy of my mom. Moreover, I was watching an animation of a girl coming out as lesbian; however, my dad questioned what I was watching, (like I said before I observed people very often) constantly trying to subtly encourage me to change what I watching. Many other events have made me come to this conclusion, but these are the most prominent.

These events have led me to believe that my parents are close minded, seeing as they judge many things that I choose to enjoy or believe. I love them dearly, but that makes things more difficult because of the fear of betraying their support and affection. I see things that I feel are hard to fit into and I believe that my parents are quite closed minded due to these constricting expectations. Thus, I came to an understanding that I probably cannot live up to my parents’ expectations, and that their perspective on life are a lot more narrow than mine, or I believe this at least.

Although, I have finally realized, or rather, finalized my conclusion; my parents are not very open to different concepts. Hence, they discourage the exposure to ideas that they consider “taint” or “malevolent,” believing that my mind with not grow well in the future. Therefore, leading me to the conclusion to my parents being quite strict, trying to deny the concepts they consider to be unorthodox and dishonorable. Moreover, I have accepted that I cannot live as myself without disappointing my parents; thus, I will try to accommodate for our differences and equally fit into mine as well as my parents’ expectations, be disappoint both myself and my parents equally.